Life can be messy.  Life can sometimes be confusing and frustrating and all kinds of weird.  It’s a hard line to draw in the sand sometimes where to step in, when to pull out, when to make the move, when to move forward and take the leap, when to consider options and to slow down… It’s a lot like the Ecclesiastes author – a time for this and a time for that… But what that fucking author fails to tell us in this great book of wisdom is, when to do what at which time!  Of course – isn’t that fitting?  The book of “Life” is basically telling you to figure it the fuck out all on your own.  Honestly?  I am actually grateful for it.  It keeps it raw, messy… real.  It keeps it real… and I love real.

Currently, I have experienced so many ups and downs within this last year and a half.  Last I checked in, I was starting a new position with a mortgage company as a compliance officer.  I loved that job.  I loved the work I did.  I think because it was challenging and focused on research and, well, it was all brand new.  I don’t know if you know this about me, but I am kind of an information whore.  I am not going to lie.  If I find a subject matter I am interested in – it is likely I will become a “mini-master” in that area.  Enough so that I can discuss and influence points on that topic and if I am further interested I will seek out credentials validating my knowledge.  I love to learn.  A true-blue, bonafide learning whore.  I guess there are better descriptors out there, but my learning is just like life – raw, messy and real.

I had to implement one of those “which times to do what” moments recently – and boy, (or girl – I am all about equality!) am I glad I did.  I took a leap and I left that job I loved at the mortgage company.  The general reason I give would of course be because the company was merging with another company – reforming under a new name… I wasn’t being talked to about my position in the new merger… I saw the writing on the wall – they were done with me. But, it was time.  The actual reasons outside of that general reason, was my boss was one of the most challenging I had ever worked for in my life.  Ruling with an iron fist, petty micromanagement, and this intense pressure to stay late, work more with little to no reward, random emotional blowups to colleagues… I felt like I was in an abusive relationship.  And so it goes, I decided I had already absorbed enough of the mortgage world to put that one to bed and venture into yet another new industry all together….  It was one of the best choices I made..

I took another position with this incredible company as a Training Coordinator.  I knew I was qualified to do the work, but I am surprisingly swept off my feet and in love with how much I truly enjoy logistics work!  It has been a whirlwind, but I couldn’t be happier.  I love this team.  I love this company, and I couldn’t be happier with my decision.  And with normal working hours, I am able to actually arrive home at a decent hour and resume some artwork that has long been overdue.  I am starting 3 projects this week… So I’ll be posting about the progress of them soon.

And life in general…  Life has been incredible.  It’s been hard, of course… raw, and messy… beautiful, but real.  And my God… Would I have it any other way?

More to come… my yearly bucket list has on it this year (and the one to come): to keep you posted and updated on life, art, and work.  And how the 3 can seem unrelated at times,  but feed our every need…

Stay tuned…

Well, it wasn’t very long – I officially closed the gap on my resume.  You know the one – the bleak, full of assumptions, possible pity gap that says to any prospective employer you’ve been unemployed for X amount of days.  So Hooray!  I am employed again! (No, no, it’s not in Florida or the Virgin Islands – although, I did take a trip through Florida the week before I started just to see if it would so captivate me so much that I just couldn’t leave it… But, no, although breathtaking, and the beach – Damn, the beach – I might just be too proud to live in Texas… so I came back… for now.)

I’ve been hired as a compliance officer for a Mortgage company.   Bank to banking?!  Well, yes, but no.  I was very hesitant on taking this position since my banking job sucked so much life out of me… but this is different.  Free from sales, and a LOT of legal reading, I think (I hope) I’m in hog heaven.  I mean, I was enrolled in Paralegal studies to begin the same day that I ended up starting this job…  and this is a ton of legal reading and understanding… Sometimes the universe/God works that way, yeah?  (And sometimes it doesn’t.  Because the last year it sure as hell didn’t.  As my best friend in the whole world said, “Sometimes the Universe can be a dick.”  And yes, I concur.  Sometimes, Universe, you’re a dick.  But sometimes, you’re pretty cool.)  🙂  I mean, a compliance officer isn’t necessarily the most beloved position in a company.  You’re usually the one telling people “No,” and “You can’t,” and “Guess what awesomely hard working gang?!  You can’t do your job like that anymore!  You now have to do it another way!”  So, it might be perfect.  I mean, psychology experiments EVERY DAY on how to keep people motivated, happy and excited while simultaneously pissing them off beyond belief?!  Ironically, yes please! (I’m sure I’ll change my tune on this later on)… Coupled with few interruptions at my desk,  and delicious learning and research…

Wow, am I really an artist?  Yes… yes I am…

Which is a huge revelation… I have realized over the course of these last few months, that I actually prefer technical, detailed analysis with a (semi) definite conclusion.  I like reading between the lines.  I like finding the missing link.  I like soduku.  I like finding that little, hat-wearing-white-and-red-striped-shirted-asshole.  (I will find you, Waldo.  I will.)  I like it to be organized, and founded.  I like the work to actually do something.  I like to see results.  And that is exactly what differentiated me from the current art community.  I needed to know why a composition works.  I needed to unlock or uncover a formula for acceptable, good art.  I needed to know why and what they were saying.  I couldn’t see results.  And that’s not what they want.  They want creators, not “know-how-it-all-works-ers”… And my pieces are highly technical.  I have thought about every stroke.  I have attempted to re-create reality, because in reality I see the defined.  And it’s just not popular anymore. And besides, I need to know that my work produces results.  I mean, it could, but I don’t live on “coulds…”

But all this to say, it’s only been almost 3 weeks in the compliance world.  It’s really still to early to tell in all honesty.  I might pick up the gap again… And that’s okay.  But I’m having a thrilling ride learning in the meantime (besides, I might just enter in the stock market and buy the art industry back into what I like it to be…  I joke!  I joke…).  But for now, the learning is addictive.  I truly, truly am addicted to learning.  My only fear – my greatest fear in life – is not using this knowledge for good.  And that, is and will always be, my greatest pursuit.  So cheers to figuring out the best way to use all this – to filling in the greatest gap in my heart and head – how to do stuff that’s important.

About 2 weeks ago, I found out I was not accepted into the M.F.A. in painting Program I applied for.  It was explained that one of the the reasons for denial was that I applied late (other reasons were my art wasn’t accepted, and that the program was already full – I am positively assuming  that it was either full or I didn’t “meet departmental standards” since I applied late.)

Such is life.  But it was a great thing.

After finishing a second painting course over the semester, my Professor explained it isn’t really looked highly upon that you attend the same M.F.A. Studio program in which you received your undergraduate degree.  There is apparently a small stigma on those who do that!  Well, that’s a good thing for me!  So, I am now attempting to apply to 5 different schools – hopefully by Sept. 1st.  2014.  Two of the schools I hope to apply to are also out of the DFW metroplex.  So, here goes nothing… or rather, everything.

And Thanks TWU for rejecting my application.  I had no idea you wouldn’t be a good fit for me.  🙂